I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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