I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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