Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
