how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
