your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
