I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
