I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
