I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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