For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
