Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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