when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
