Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
