Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he shaved USA in his pubs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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