Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
