They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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