i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
