Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
