I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
