We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
