That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
