Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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