"it" just moved
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
