why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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