i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
