My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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