I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
