the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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