please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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