The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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