I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
