i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
honey bunches of taint.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
