your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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