Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
