We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
