upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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