How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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