One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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