The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
