I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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