i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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