I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
