You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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