Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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