i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
