what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
