Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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