Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
