so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
