All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
