he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
