can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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