my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
