worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
