I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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