you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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