smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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