Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
