dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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