why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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