Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
