There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
as a side note pls kill me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
