i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
