FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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