My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
