we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
