Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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