i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
