You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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