How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
wow bdsm is so cute
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
