every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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