Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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