You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
