I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
