I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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