Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I CAN MOONWALK!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
