Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
