just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
