weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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