The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
