ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
